nut hugger
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
