How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
