Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize