I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
