you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
