I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
