Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
