Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
