The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
