You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
