I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize