I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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