Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
