Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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