you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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