i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
