Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
