She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
