Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
