He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
