I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
