she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
