Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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