Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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