I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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