dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
