So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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