So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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