His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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