And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
