Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
