So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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