Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
