The maid of honor just puked.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
