So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
