I puked a lego.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize