I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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