Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
