Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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