You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
