you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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