dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
