craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
