Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
