i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
