last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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