trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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