I just threw up on my dentist
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
