I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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