evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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