She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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