I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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