Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
