I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
