at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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