the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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