Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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