1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize