And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
