My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
