Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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