pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize