I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
