Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
