She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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