Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
