She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
