eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
