I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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