I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
