we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize