Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
