I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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