Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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