He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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