I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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