fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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