I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
