They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
