Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
