bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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